A response to AA

AA said: Cunt knocker your comments look different from what other woman espouse on this site. I am not sure whether it is deliberate or you are truly non partisan in your outlook.

As far as I know I'm a misanthropic-humanist, androgynous-heterosexual, freethinker-misfit. I'm sure other people would call me something else, but what do I care of their opinion (favorable or not).

I love the world and life, yet hate it at the same time; I can hold complex contradictory thoughts like that simultaneously in my head (well, ok, only sometimess...). Life is beautiful, even when it's terrible, as it were. Reality and freedom are important to me; denial and ignorance are my enemies. I have my own delusions and mistaken beliefs, but I DO seek to challenge them.

But I cannot - and would not - be anything other than female; it informs everything I do and say and see and feel, even if I have masculine traits (because I was athletic). But my brain - ADD-addled tho it may be - is genetically, structurally, endrocronatically, chemically that of a female homo sapien.

I am not now ashamed of being a woman - how could I live with myself if I hated something so fundamental - but I once was, because I grew up thinking it was a bad thing. I don't believe that about myself anymore. I believe many of our cultures across the world don't support our species' growth away from barbarism towards a higher level of being (I'm a fan of the Dalai Lama)that both challenges and recognizes what it means to be human, but I believe this is universal across all lines we stupid monkeys draw around ourselves to keep The Other out. Dummy, he's standing right next to you, facing the same way...

I post at a site called men are better than women (M>w) using the screen name "cuntknocker"

This is not an explanation, it is an exploration, which is and has been a major life task for me: seeking to understand myself - partly so I can heal and partly so I can learn and grow.

M>w was created by Dick Masterson, aka Dax Herrera (DM/DH), a brilliant satirist (and programmer/marketing guru) who tickles my fancy when he - as a member of Dicktastics - tickles the ivories:

He may or may not believe everything he writes: that's not for me to say. Most of his posts are so outrageous I tend to believe he's just taking the piss out his readers. But . . . and this is true of many of the posters . . . he has some really good points in all of that hilarious ranting.

I think some posters are rabid women-haters, but not all of them, and perhaps not the majority of them. Many of the posters are sick of certain aspects of our culture they believe - and they could be right about - unfairly benefit women. Many are annoyed with feminism and its precepts, and in that I can agree with much of their criticism.

I am not a feminist; I am a humanist. As my singular friend STV has said: "this is the hard planet..." It's not tough just to be female or black or gay or an immigrant or disabled or mentally ill or etcetcetc. It's tough to be human. While I understand certain groups have had less power in society and seek to come to civil equality, and while I immensely respect that effort, ultimately the goal should be promoting HUMAN rights. As Robert DeNiro said in the movie Brazil as he pumped shit into the obnoxious repairmen's airtight contamination suits: "We're all in it together."

Anyway, back to what I'm supposed to be talking about [Any reader will know this about me soon: I digress like a mudslide down a hill in rural South America, towards an impoverished village in a valley at the bottom. Unlike that, I do eventually get back to where I started. Appreciate any patience you can spare.]

Many of the posters generalize, which is intellectually sloppy, but has some validity: there is truth in cliche and also in stereotyping, whether we have the courage to admit it or not. But many times it's too broad [dumb pun not intended] to be wholly True. This plays back into humanism, which seeks to understand human nature - in all its glory and grace, and in all its ruin.

Here is one of my favorite quotes, by dead philosopher Baruch Spinoza:

I have laboured carefully not to mock, lament, or exercate but to understand human actions...

This is why I spend my time on a site many people think is rabidly misogynistic:

-I'm honing my writing; the topics and the likely posters' reactions challenge my abilities to write coherently.


-The mind-set fascinates me. It's like I'm a cultural anthropologist, learning about a different way of living. By that analogy, I'm not whatsoever implying the men on the site are more primitive and I'm more advanced/intelligent. Some are dumbasses, but the regulars are obviously smart and reflective (reasoning), even if I don't always agree with their contentions.


-Oddly, it helps me be a better person. Like how posting on Facing the Facts while still recovering from Borderline Personality Disorder helped me grow even more: when faced with all the pain of the SO/family members of people with BPD, I had to look at myself and take responsibility for how my actions hurt my own loved ones. I chose to see the anger that permeated the site as justifiable, and that people suffering this trauma have to work through this stage and to claim for a time the status of victim (as long as they can move out of it eventually, in their own time, because otherwise their hate will inevitably and inexorably poison their souls.

I am cuntknocker. Hear me bore!

My screen-name on M>w is cuntknocker. I picked it because it's funny. I like things that make me laugh and this made me laugh - at myself and at the whole idea of posting on M>w. The site is hilarious, DM/DH is hilarious, and the posters can be hilarious.

Thus, funny-wanking was my first reason, but here are some more:

• It seemed to fit with the overall style of the site and the over-the-top poster pseudonyms e.g., killsluts, Manly McBalls, King Wang, Dick is a DickHead, etc.
  
  To be fair, most posters just use a first name (now, whether they're real...).




• This "cunt" is "knocking" on M>w's door. By knocking, I at least MANage the pretense of politeness; I know I'm both uninvited and unwelcome, yet I'm comin' in anyway because as some posters are fond of saying, "respect is earned" not just assumed and granted without reason.
  
  Also, I don't like doing what I'm told.
  
  And the internet is free range unless it's subscription. I'm not "allowed" in e.g., DOD intranets, but if a site is open then I'm going to weigh my options and choose a behavior that works for me. I seriously doubt my presence can hurt anyone there, so I choose for my own selfish reasons to override the preferences of the posters.
  
  I'm ok with that.




• I'm re-claiming in a subversive way the word "cunt", like what was done with "yank", "queer", and "nigger", etc. Accepting and possessing a pejorative term takes its power away from the name-caller and gives it back to you.
  
  Tho, truthfully, it never really bothered me much. "Cunt". It takes some heavy shit to offend me. It's no worse than other swear words. And I'm fairly immune to other people's insults, especially if they're untrue and meaningless. You can't touch me, none of you. [Although if you're hot, we can work out a meeting].




• Alternatively, it's also a way to own my own cuntiness, using the word's negative connotation. To be a cunt is akin to being a dick, but rather it's female-specific. I do cuntish things, MANy of which are lambasted on the site. It's MANly to own up to one's faults and to change them.




• A corollary to that is that I knock other cunts - those women who epitomize the worst of the flaws of femaledom (femaledum?). There are many many dumb females on M>w, tho I suspect some are males pretending to be women to give women a bad name. Call me paranoid, but c'mon! It's a little much to believe outright.




• "Cunt" and "knockers" are two words for female body parts, so in that way it is descriptive of me.




• I get a very hilarious image in my head of someone standing at the cavernous entrance of a vagina, knocking and calling out "heloooo? anyone in there? Helloooo?"




• Everytime I see the word "cunt", I have to smile and think of Begbie.